Peggy Olsen, all day, every day.
"Clyde,who claimed to have been a "safety control" officer or something like that when he was a student, responded to Mike Breen's rehashing of the Deadspin Adrian Dantley story by announcing that he wanted to become a crossing guard in the summertime. Breen quickly upbraided Clyde for neglecting to realize that there's no school in the summer (Clyde: "Summer school"!), and thus very little need for crossing guards. So, Clyde either needs to find a school district with an extremely popular summer school program such that crosswalks need to be guarded on weekdays or he needs to become a traffic cop."(via)