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What do the Wu Tang Clan, Kanye West, and the Puppy Bowl have in common?

Okay, so being stuck in bed being sick for the past couple days isn't fun at all BUT it has allowed me to catch up on my Netflix, my DVR, and other things to watch that I probably would have put off.

I watched the Wu: The Story of the Wu Tang Clan documentary and for something that was on "Very Long Wait" forever, it was kind of meh. Enter The Wu (36 chambers) is a milestone record that changed hip hop but the documentary was more Iron Flag than Enter the Wu or Wu Tang Forever. So yeah it wasn't that great but then again, I think King of Kong kind of set the bar for any documentary for me and if doesn't have this guy, I'm gonna be disappointed to some degree.

What I wasn't disappointed in was this 1999 interview that the late, great Ol' Dirty Bastard had with MTV's John Norris on MTV News 15/15 (via Nerve.com) and you know they don't make crazy like they did with Dirt McGirt as he really broke the crazy dude mold when he was made.



I also caught the Kayne Storytellers on VH1, and the man killed it as you can see here with Heartless/Pinocchio Story. Also I'm watching the Puppy Bowl (as I said, I'm catching up on the DVR) right now and during the commercials, Animal Planet was using Stronger for some show about Jockeys, I think Daft Punk and 'Ye would be proud, don't you?



Anyways back to some Orange, Strawberry, Banana juice and more puppy bowl...

Knicks to Steph - "You look well" (in about 5 months on the street with his new boyfriend, the Boston Celtics)



You know when you're in a relationship and the break up makes sense for both parties involved, and when the two of you break up, you kind of wish you didn't? Well, I don't in this case, bye bye Starbury, I hope it won't be awkward when you and your new team comes back to the Garden. Oh wait, it won't cause the Celtics and the Knicks won't be playing each other for the rest of the year, unless the playoffs and then it'll be pretty awkward. But if you win a ring with the Celts and show it off to us when you happen to be in town on 34th and 7th, the Knicks might turn into Woody Allen or something as equally awkward.

Best new Lost theory ever!



Matthew Abaddon is Walt from the Future sent back to help everyone play out there roles on the island. Proof…

They are the only two character(s) to call John “Mr. Locke”. - Walt and Abaddon.

(Little know fact for a brief period of Time Walt runs a special Drug Task force in Baltimore)

(Via Paul Scheer)

Lost has been mind f-ing me all season long but how great would this be even though it'd make absolutely no sense and I just really like the reference to Cedric Daniels. Let's just combine both worlds of the Wire and Lost, it'd be so great - time traveling Jimmy McNulty and Bunk somehow wind up investigating the purge of the Dharma Initiative as orchestrated by Ben Linus or Sayid and future Walt, Cedric Daniels team up to Avon Barksdale and Stringer Bell! Okay, I can do this all day...

And if you really want to go nuts - what about the time future Walt, his dad wheel chair bound Michael, and even crazier Mr. Ecko were all in jail together in Oz? Wrap your heads around that...

Office Jibber Jabber - Would you take this Peanut Butter?


So after pouring my cereal for breakfast at my office this morning, I reach for a spoon and the above jar of Skippy brand Peanut Butter catches my eye with a note stating "Peanut Butter anyone? Someone already had some, and I'm good with bread and jelly." So I am wrong at all from questioning this peanut butter and the motivations behind it - Who is this person who didn't want the peanut butter? Who only likes jelly and bread? Is the peanut butter for the office to share? Why isn't there a loaf of bread to spread the peanut butter on? Why am I distrusting of mystery foods around the office when I love free things and I love peanut butter? So many questions with so little answers...

Attention Bronx Zoo Staff - Make This Happen!


(via Videogum)
Whatever they are doing in Asia that they have their bears begging like animatronic robots at Chuck E Cheese and Disney World, we need to do it here. So get on it, Zoo Keepers of America!

Don't get my hopes up, Opie!


Maeby: Oh, great. You could take me through your thoughts about the screenplay, beat by beat.

George Michael: Sure, yeah. “Because anything can happen when two people share a cell, cuz.” It’s a line from New Warden.

Maeby: Oh. Oh! Okay, yeah. I don’t know what I was worried about.

Narrator: That would be the happiest moment George Michael would ever experience in his life.


Don't f with me and ruin my happy moment, Ron Howard! This better be true or it's on like the time Jessie (the PR lady) called you Opie.

I WANT THIS: Eaten By A Bear Sleeping Bag




I've been camping for real a couple times in my life, and I think I'm pretty okay at it aside from the time I got a mosquito bite on my eye lid but I account that more to me tasting sweeter than my other co-campers than me being a bad camper but that's irrelevant. What's relevant right now is that this sleeping bag is incredible, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU WERE EATEN BY THE BEAR OR YOU ARE A BEAR IF IT'S ZIPPED UP ALL THE WAY. Anyway, next time I go camping, hopefully there will be a bear in the woods, not a real one but the one that I'm sleeping in.

(via Superpunch by way of SarahSpy)

Being kind of sort of sentimental - Late Night w/ Conan edition


Okay peepiscles, I know he's only moving to LA and a hour earlier and he's keep the same writing staff and Max is coming with the Max Weinberg Seven, and all that but I'm still kind of jears about it. Living in New York, I've been to Conan three times plus that other time where we were late and they didn't let us in but that's the point, Conan (and Late Night in general) has always been kind of intertwined with my sense of humor since middle school (including a joke from one of my friends about the time I was the King of the World and how I was supposed to be on Conan but they ran out of time and I was introduced as the credits were airing) but everything from the obvious bits like Triumph, The Year 2000, The Masturbating Bear, The Walker Lever to stuff like Pierre Bernard's Recliner of Rage, Conan and Max hanging with Joel Godard, Amy Poehler as Andy's sister, and so on and so on was every synonym of hilarious that you can possible look uo. Oh yeah, bearded Conan during the writer's strike was the shit, am I right? I definitely may have possible could have jeared when he shaved it. Anyways - I'm gonna miss you Conezy, I know you still have to follow that son of b, Jay Leno but at least I might be awake when you're on TV now which will be a first since I've been a "grown up" and maybe you can take Norm up on his offer of hanging out with him, maybe the new Tonight Show can just be you and him, for a hour, please?

Morris Day & The Time - Jungle Love


Now this is a mother effin jam, one can call it a MONSTER JAM.

I can't get enough of the Post and that Murderous Monkey


Okay, I was totally done with the Chimp story until the New York Post busted out today's front page headline, so Chimp week continues here at OAB which in a way is like Shark Week but not so much. Oh yeah, the Post is saying -

"But this was no ordinary affair of the heart. Sandra Herold was engaging in these loving acts with a 200-pound pet ape.

Herold's human friends said they were always leery of the interspecies intimacy
."


Between this, that and the other thing- I got nothing. Your move, New York Post.

Great moments in TV License Plates

Okay, so I've been on a Freaks and Geeks binge lately and after watching episode 12, The Garage Door, I caught one of the best custom license plates ever on Neil's father, Doctor Vic Schweiber's corvette.



I FLOSSEM! How sweet is that, guys? Vic Schweiber DDS riding around in his red Corvette around town, no wonder he's having affairs of the hearts with other women. Too bad that the show got canceled forever ago, it was the best - really, it was the most accurate portrayal of high school ever and launched so many careers.

New York Papers on Travis "the killer" Chimp

I'm probably enjoying this story on Travis the Chimp more than I should be; I understand that he almost killed a family friend, went on a rampage, and had to be killed by the Stamford Police BUT this little dude was on TV, weighed 20-25 lbs more than me (he's 200, so do the math) drank wine, rode in cars, drank tea, popped pills, ate like a human being, and was a better hang than some guy's nephews (which is plural). So I'm kind of considering purchasing a chimp, naming him Levon (Awww Yeah!), dressing him up like this and moving to the CT because I'd assume owning a chimp in New York may possibly be illegal.

What's not illegal in New York though is puns, as obvious from the two bestest papers in town - The Daily News and the Post, and here is what they had to say about Travy Trav.

The Post:


The Daily News:

Don't change your hair color, it may lead to a chimp mauling you



Okay, so it might not be the SMARTEST idea to own a 200 lb chimp who eats at the dinner table, drinks wine, and occasionly mauls company. But informal poll here guys, if the chance presented itself for you to own a chimp - would you and what would you name it?

MORE VIA CNN -
The Chimp was sipping on some tea laced with Xanex, COME ON!

Flight of The Conchords - Carol Brown (directed by Michael Gondry!!!)



Okay, so Flight has been just okay this season but director extraordinaire, Michael Gondry directed last night's episode and the "video" for Carol Brown was really really cool for a show on HBO that I really don't expect that much from visually. Good job Big J, Little B, and Gondry, good job.

Valentine or No Valentine, Ryan has you covered

Okay so it's Saint Valentine's Day - there are two options for your night according to Hallmark and the like which are A) You're with your honey bunny and are happily in love, getting married, and off to happily ever after or B) you are miserable, alone, and jaded. Or special option - (C) It's your birthday and you are more important than said holiday and are going to go out and celebrate yourself ie ME.

But if you fall into the A category or the B category, let me make your day a bit easier and make a mix tape for either getting down with your dude/dudette or sitting alone in a dark room, depressed with a bottle, drink alone, and pass out with your clothes still on.

LOVE MIX
Phil Spector - I Love How You Love Me (take your pick on which version)
Bon Iver - Babys
Pavement - Spit On A Stranger
New Order - Perfect Kiss
The Beach Boys - God Only Knows
Notorious B.I.G - Fuck You Tonight or 2Pac - Thug Passion (depending on your opinion of the best coast)
Sufjan Stevens - That Dress Looks Nice On You
Prince - Purple Rain
TV On The Radio - Lovers Day
Bonus jam to make her/him laugh - Flight of The Conchords - Business Time

NO LOVE MIX
The Smiths - Heaven knows I'm miserable now
of Montreal - Touched Someone's Hollow
Los Campesinos! - It's Never That Easy Though, Is It? (Song for the other Kurt)
Belle & Sebastian - I Don't Love
Jens Lekman - If I could cry, it'd be like this
Kanye West - Coldest Winter
Michael Jackson - She's out of my life
Bright Eyes - The Center Of The World
The National - About Today
Bonus jam not to kill yourself - The Beatles - All You Need Is Love

Paul Rudd - "I got shot." Other guy - "Paul Rudd just got shot."


(video from Videogum, obvs)

I was all like watch Delocated the other day in my post with the Grammy videos that were taken down (and I had to find new ones) but did you? I bet if your name isn't Afif, you probably didn't. If you did, we are better friends for it because you know what's up. And by what's up I mean - you understand that Jon Glaser playing a member of the witness protection program starting in a reality show who is being hunted by the Russian mob is funny and worth watching. B

But anyway, if you didn't you missed this on last night's Delocated - Paul Rudd or rather Paul Rudd playing a fictional version of himself was killed by Yvgeny Mirminsky (Eugene Mirmin). So anyway watch this and laugh at all the movies that your fake Valentine, Paul Rudd was in, and hope that Rudd didn't die in vein.

I WANT THIS: Lego Phone



I don't care that I'm turning 26 this weekend and that these phones are technically for children, I WANT.

(via TechEBlog)

Breakfast: It's for dogs now too!



To say dog owners as a group of people take it too far at times with their love of their pets wouldn't be far from the truth at all. I probably do as in the last couple of months, I spent a sizable amount of money on things my dog doesn't really need such but I thought "this is kind of cool." Examples of this include retractable leashes, plush toys, a reindeer outfit (for no reason), and a Snoopy Ski Vest which is probably the best thing an animal could ever wear.

So my dog eats Ceasar's Canine Cuisine which is like fancy feast for little dog's and now they are marketing breakfast dog food dubbed Cesar Sunrise in three new varies:


Steak and Eggs for the small dog with the big appetite.


Chicken and Cheddar Souffle for the comfort food lover in your companion!


Smoked Bacon and Eggs for the traditional breakfast lover!

I dunno what to say but I'll ask my dog if she wants to try these exciting varities which I'm sure she'll respond by barking once for yes or twice for no, or she'll just go walk away to go play with one of her 800 toys.

How long till RoboCop is a reality?



Last night's Daily Show showed that the future is going to be one of three things - 1) a lot of fun (if you're the owner of a Roomba of Doom), 2) it's going to suck a lot (if you're the targeted by these killing machines), or 3) very confusing (the moral debate concerning robotic killing machines). Anyways, do you think they are going to sell these at Brookstone?

Hot blog alert - This Is Why You're Fat

Okay, for someone who isn't by any means fat and eats relatively healthy as I've probably only eaten red meat like 3 times in the last 2 years (all to blame goes to ordering dinner at work and the restaurants f-ing up my orders combined my being too nice to complain on the phone probably because of to the possibility of spit in my re-ordered food), I'm obsessed with of foods that will cause a heart attack upon ingestion. Suzy turned me on to this great blog - This Is Why You're Fat which posts the things that I'd like to think I'm man enough to eat but probably wouldn't because I'm afraid to order because the people on the other side of the counter might think I'm disgusting.

Here's my three favorite posts so far -


Krispy Kreme Bacon Cheddar Cheesebugers: One of my least favorite thing about living in New York is I've never had Krispy Kreme donuts as the the only Krispy Kreme in the entire state is in Penn Station, and that's as authentic as the Chick-Fil-A in the NYU dorms in my opinion. Also could this be the ultimate version of brunch like BRUNCH in all CAPS for the biggest fans of breakfast and lunch?


Bacon Chocolate Chip Cookies: WHAT THE FUCK?
Savory and sweet, would you like a triple bypass with your desert?


Deep Fried Cheese-Stuffed Ground Bacon Burger: Is there a theme here? If you answered that the theme is bacon, you're correct! Do you think that the cheese oozes out the bacon burger? Do you think you feel your artery clogs with each bite? If I ate this, would it undo all my not eating red meat doing for the last two years? Would I have to run the equivlant of a marathon to even out my health karma?

Either way, keep up the good work Mr. (or Mrs., or Ms.) Thisiswhyyoufat.com, I'd rather live vicariously through your cramazing photos than actually eat these foods.

Sincerely yours,
Ryan

Hodgepodge of videos to watch


Jon Glaser's Delocated premieres on Thursday night on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim, I'd say watch it if I was you as the premise of Glaser and his family on a reality show as members of the Witness Protection Program with the mob after them seems like it'll be what's up. Everyone is raving about it, I've only seen this promo and a couple of scenes but add me to the rave list.


THE highlight of last night's Grammy awards, Radiohead and the USC marching band doing 15 Step, amazing. Thom Yorke kills it here, and I kinda/sorta want to be him.


THE OTHER highlight of the Grammys: PreggersIA, Kanye, Jay-Z, Lil' Wayne, and TI with Swagga Like Us. One thing though - Is Wayne too good for a bow tie?


I've never watched any CSI show ever but I will tonight as Diddy guest stars as a hot shot defense attorney. Fingers crossed that we get a spinoff - either CSI Diddy Blogs or CSI: Diddy Defense Attorney at Large.

Casey Jones & April O'Neil - Then and Now

Okay, I'm watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie from 1990 in HD on ABC Family this morning because really, what do I have to do on a Saturday morning? Obviously, I can't do a THEN and NOW on the Turtles or Splinter, but why not the two human protagonists from the film, April O'Neil and Casey Jones?


Casey Jones THEN:




Casey Jones NOW:
:


Bonus Action Figure Shot::


April O'Neil THEN:



April On'Neil NOW:




Bonus April O'Neil Cartoon Shot because she was more of a babe in the cartoon than the film:

McGriddle, watch you back!



On my way to get a chicken cheesesteak today from Carl's today I passed Dunkin Donuts and saw the above picture in the window. It looks like we have a contender for king of breakfast sandwiches (that will lead to obesity) as Dunkin Donuts just rolled out the Waffle Breakfast sandwich with Bacon, Egg, Cheese sandwiched between two waffles. I'm not sure if it's infused with a syrup like substance like the McGriddle though. I may or may not be trying out Dunkin Donuts latest and greatest, depends on if I'm feeling heart attacky in the morning.

On the topic of cramazing foods that are probably really bad for you - Carl's has introduced it's "Late Night Bomber" which features - Fries topped with cheese wiz and your choice of meat (chicken or steak) topped with more fries and more cheese wiz! Again gang, I don't know if I'll man up to try it BUT if I'm ever feeling heart attacky at night, I might just.

ProStars 2009 - Get to it Saturday Morning Cartoon Execs



I was talking to Brian about the Pro Stars today, and I think it's time for a remake of probably my 4th favorite Saturday morning cartoon (Turtles, Ghostbusters, That Mario cartoon that wasn't with Captain Lou). So obviously we can't cast MJ, The Great One, and Bo Knows as The Pro Stars as two of them run teams (one of them quite badly and I don't know what Gretzky is doing with his team), and Bo runs the Bo Jackson Elite Sports Complex

So according to this review of the show, the three great athletes who fight crime and save the world are a team are broken down as the brains (Michael), the dummy (Wayne), and the brawn(Bo). While it was easy in 1991 to find the three greatest athletes and type cast them, it's hardier in 2009, so I'm gonna have a bevy of athletes for each role, and by bevy I mean three.

THE BRAINS aka Michael Jordan wearing a t-shirt under a basketball jersey:




Lebron James and a Lion, if I was a criminal I'd turn myself in


A-Rod who would organize meetings at Poker games, kind of like Oceans 11 but not at all.


Peyton Manning who would have to rescue Eli on countless episodes.


The DUMBY aka Wayne Gretzky who may or may not be a pot head


Ben who would keep on drinking like a champion.


Michael Phelps who would insert pot joke (pic via ONTD)


Greg Oden who would be old enough to be these girls' father but really is only 21. Really?

THE MUSCLE aka Bo Jackson who isn't relevant in 2009


Dwight Howard who would be a real life superhero


Brandon Jacobs who would just run people over with or without that truck behind him.


CC Sabathiha who would imagine enemies as junk food and fight crime on 3 days rest. (pic via the Onion)

Hot Revolver: So bad it's good/so good it's bad?



Okay, I think this is one of those so bad it's good things, right? Quoting Green Day songs, more autotune, and his usual nonsense about getting down on the Milky Way, WHAT IS GOING ON WEEZY? Also the chorus reminds me something - like maybe Cars song? Little help please?

Totally forgot to post this last week but it's too great not to share - I was avoiding posting it b/c I wanted to a big hundredth post but instead all y'all got was BOSSCOCKED. Screw you CBS for putting this up against Lost!

EDIT - Full video below, who knew Wayne was so polite? Miss Katie? Would have had called Tom Brokaw - Mr. Tom?

Charles Widmore's double life

We all know that Charles Widmore could be the big bad on Lost (or he could actually be the big good guy), and he is Benjamin Linus' ultimate rival in the world of a mysterious island that moves through time, the father in-law of Desmond "Master of Disguise if Prince bought your disguises" Hume, and an international businessman who would only hire the best and brightest. But did you know he's also the American Ambassador to Australia? He's still a big bully though, I bet if he could have he'd send the freighter folk after Bret and Jermaine just cause!

Here's the proof -

Widmore - Bad on any island - "The Island," Great Britain, or Manhattan


The two newest allies of TEAM BEN?

100th post spectacular

Okay so I was planning on a huge 100 post spectacular including fireworks, insight on the blog by Pulitzer winning journalists (or Kenny), highlights from the first 99 posts of Orange, Apple, Banana and where OAB is headed in the future.

Instead I leave with you with the highlight of the Super Bowl, The Boss's crotch.