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"Live" Blog - Rock of Love Bus Finale

Bret Michaels - lead singer of Poison and the Bret Michaels Band, Mindy - the bumpkin from Cinncinati, Taya - the playbo... err Penthouse Pet, the DR, perfect dates, it's so on for my shitty guilty pleasure reality show since I Love Money 1. It's an epic finale with me talking about 3 people I don't really have something in common with or really even care that much about but can't keep watching, and there are sooo many questions - will Brett find love? Will Taya "promote" something? Will Mindy win in the game of love? Will someone get pregnant behind the grade school? Will I get some std from watching this in HD? One hour, two women, one man with the combined names of wrestling rivals - Bret "Hitman" Hart and Shawn Michaels, it's Easter Sunday, and if JC didn't resurrect for this, what did he resurrect for?

- How did Mindy get here? A Bus?

- Breakfast Buffet with Bret and the ladies - bacon, bandanna, fruit, coffee, a hat with skull and a top hat, pancakes, and catty looks! Also let's start the Bret Michaels' Hat and Head accessory count - Hat, Bandanna, Sunglasses - 3!

- Bret's H/HA Count - 4 with the red bandanna in his little confessional room with the gold records!

- If you had to date with Bret, would you prefer a night date or a day date?

- Mindy: "Oh my gosh!" Where does that rank versus Holy Cow?

- Crank 2 Commercial!!! CHEV! CHELIOS! FRIDAY!

- Are you obsessed? With Stinger Bell? Yes! Beyonce? Sure! Another bad movie that I'm probably way too excited for.

- Bret changed from the cap to his traditional straw cowboy hat! So H/HAC - 5! I'm assuming he hasn't changed his bandanna yet though but he is in the DR and it's probably really hot and he could be sweating with the hat over it but how many blue bandanna does one man bring on a romantic weekend for three in the Dominican Republic?

- Bret has a plan? Does it involve bandannas and cowboy hats? Yes, it's the tango lessons, a guy with a velor shirt, and making out with Mindy, and his cowboy hat!

- Mindy, so the perfect romance novel does involve riding around a bus for a month or so with other slutty girls and making out with the lead singer of Poison? I think I could read that, Rock of Love Bus: Very Trashy Romance Fiction could be a best seller somewhere, right?

- So out of all the "sorts of adjectives" that you could use, you use delicious, Mindy?

- Bret hat count - Blue Bandanna, Snake skin cowboy hat? So 7? I'd assume he'd have a different bandanna from the day before like he'd put the prior day's bandanna in the laundry with his other clothes.

- I'm kind of feeling bad for Taya, Mindy gets tango lessons from a guy in a velor shirt, and she gets to go on the zip line, what is this American Gladiators? What if it breaks? What if she dies?

- Bret head accessory count - Red helmet, sunglasses - so 9?

- Taya knows the feeling of menopause? I guess that makes sense. But we're taking it back to Bret's lair to talk serious business.

- A bed of roses? Swoon! or ick, I'm not sure how I'd feel if I was girl and on Rock of Love Bus and Bret kept me to the finals, so probably swoon but it looks like Taya has left so probably ick.

- So where does Penthouse rank on the print porn hierarchy? Like so does Axl get playboy, Bret gets penthouse, and Vince Neil gets hustler, and the singer from Mr. Big gets Chubby Chicks XXX?

- Somebody's getting married (in a Muppet Choir singing voice) or Somebody's getting pre-engaged, or pre-pre engaged!

- So mobile apps? I'm so getting the Hulkster avatar for my VH1 mobile phone screen name!

- So Bret's wearing his confession room outfit to the final decision on the beach, and claims it's his final time he's going to do this, let's hope not b/c I already want Rock of Love 4.

- Mindy's qualities - boobs, down home charm, nativity, she and Bret had a sleep over, and a shiny dress.

- Taya's qualities - multi-talented, boobs, she didn't sleep over, and that 1 % that she might screw over Bret.

- Both girls think that the winner's relationship with Bret will last a month, I guess I do have something in common with Mindy and Taya!

- Another commercial for the Stringer Bell movie, I'm kind of weirded out that he doesn't have the goatee and that Avon Barksdale isn't in the movie either.

- Mindy's up first and Bret loves everything about her but he's choosing Taya? He choose Taya? Really? She's his "Rock of Love?" Did Flav call his girls, his "Flavor" of Love?

- Mindy doesn't think Bret who she thought he was? He's the Chicago Bears?

- Taya has a kid? When did that happen?

- So I guess Bret saw the Meet the Veals episode of AD, as Bret and Taya are maybe kind of, pre-pre engaged.

- No Every Rose has a Thorn? LAME!
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