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Real Animal Tears, Real Tears (in the picture)

Saw this on The Onion today, totally bummed me out that Milo and Otis and Homeward Bound is probably not possible in real life. I dunno though I'm holding out hope that animals relying on their adorableness can not only happen in the movies but also in real life.

Lost Cat, Dog On Journey Die Immediately

JACKSON, WY—After their owners inadvertently left them behind in Yellowstone National Park, Louie, a 4-year-old golden retriever, and Nipsy, a 3-year-old longhair cat, were killed within minutes of beginning their heartwarming journey home, sources reported Monday. "It looks like right after leaving the campsite they fell off a cliff and died upon impact with the highway below," park ranger Ken Hinkley said after discovering their barely recognizable bodies, which had been partially eaten by a cougar the pair likely would have outsmarted with adorably clever teamwork had they survived. "After that, it appears their carcasses were run over by a tractor-trailer, probably operated by a gruff but kindhearted truck driver who no doubt would have given them a lift. Poor little guys. Had to toss 'em in a ditch." Louie and Nipsy's family reportedly gave up hope immediately, and have already purchased a new kitten and puppy whom they love very much

(The Onion)

Canada Candy Confusion

Leave it to the anicid forums for me to learn something new today - Smarties are two totally different candies in America and Canada!

Our argument in picture form -

American "Smarties"

Canadian "Rockets"

Canadian "Smarties"

And now you know...

How could anyone think this is a good idea - Domino's Pasta Bread Bowl

Saw this on Tim Heideker's twitter this morning and I'm really having a hard time coming to grips with the idea of Pasta in a Bread Bowl. I'll be the first on board with soup in a bread bowl, that's all kinds of delicious but pasta? Chicken Alfredo? Pasta Primavera? Chicken Carbona? Italian Sausage Marinara? Triple Cheese Mac and Cheese? Let's be serious for a second Internet - this isn't why you fat, it's Domino's new Pasta Bread Bowl.

Monday Morning Creep Out: Deer Cake Edition

(via Cake Wrecks)

I dunno why but this deer cake is really making me laugh/creeping me out simultaneously on this Morning Morning.

edit - it creeped me out so much that Brian had to correct my typo.

I WANT THIS: Futuristic Metallic Sneaker Edition

(via Kanye West)

Okay, people may be clowning on my new sneakers but I like high tops from the future so I like the above sneakers even if they are made for girls and I have giant feet but still these kicks are what up, and I kind of want them even if I don't know what the proper situation for wearing silver sneakers would be?

Wainy Days, Season 4 (even though I could have sworn it was the 3rd)

(via Videogum)

Best Web Series on Three: 1, 2 - WAINY DAYS (you too, hahaha). Dreams really come true (like if I had a conversation with someone and we had that interaction from above) as David Wain is bringing back Wainy Days for a fourth season and if you don't think I'm super excited - you haven't been paying attention at all or don't know me that well. But that's okay, I won't take it personally just as long as you catch up on Wainy Days and not watch this. Please don't get me started on the "this," it's like the polar opposite of Wainy Days - Wainy Day has had a who's who like Paul Rudd as a Mystery of The Pickup Artist fame type guy while this has JD McCoy's girlfriend, Madison as a goth girl, really? REALLY, INTERNET?

Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago (featuring the MHS Jazz Ensemble)

Fun Ryan fact - I attempted to learn how to play the trumpet in the 4th or 5th grade, I went to band practice and everything but I was really terrible and gave up (just like I gave up learning how to play the guitar but I finally kind of learned how to play the keyboard a couple of years ago which I would call a moderate success in retrospect). But anyways, say I learned how to play the trumpet back in '94 and went on to join the Charles E. Gorton High School band, I doubt we would have had the 2001 equivalent of Bon Iver play as show with us like the MHS Jazz ensemble with Justin Vernon and the title track from For Emma, Forever Ago. Who would the late 90s/early 00s equiv of Bon Iver be anyway? Photo Album era Death Cab? Mass Romantic New Pornos? I can't believe that I'm 8 years removed from high school, kind of great, kind of depressing, don't you think?

This is gonna be the best Bastille Day ever!!!

Okay, we've been though this before - a trailer for the State DVD come out and it's coming soon, and then we don't get it and we're all really sad, right guys? But there's actually a website and a release date -Bastille Day, the above trailer, and I've got a plan that may involve a certain amount of pudding, my air conditioner (since it'll be really hot in July), and several possible planed sick days from work to watch the entire series straight through. So start saving your pennies guys, I'll see you all at whatever Best Buy buying this thing at midnight or more than likely 9:00 AM since I doubt all of America's Best Buy's will have a special midnight special for The State DVD.

JAM ALERT - Clipse (featuring Kanye) - Kinda Like a Big Deal

Not kinda - it is. Clipse, Kanye, BIG and TJ Maxx references, yeah it's on repeat till lunch at least.
(Pitchfork/Re-up Gang)

Should I try to catch up on 24?

24 Going Green PSA - Mary Lynn Rajskub

So I haven't been watching 24 but between Chloe's little PSA about Global Warming. Jack's daughter, Kim Bauer is back, and after a certain movie that I saw this weekeend since I kind of need an action fix in my life, I might try to catch up and do like a 24 weekend or something in the future but who knows. Also I do know a man who could stop global warning, and here's a hint a review of his movie may or may not be coming soon to OAB, all depends on how ambitious I feel this week.

Hipster Grifter! Hipster Drifter! (what else rhymes with grifter?_

(Pic via Gothamist)

This "Hipster Grifter" story that has had the hipster internet going all crazy has kept me refreshing all day long to see what commentators on various comment boards had to say on this Asian girl who conned a bunch of hipsters with some sex and promises to get them into to see Wolf Parade or something like that. Anyway, can't wait for the either the Law and Order, NCSI, CSI Williamsburg, Americas Most Wanted, or whatever on the girl with maybe the best pick up line ever, for reals guys, for reals.

Who would ever thought to pair Kanye's Amazing with the NBA Playoffs "Where Amazing happens"

Another SPORTS post today as it's NBA playoff time in a couple days so it's time to get Amazing with Kanye. Anyways, everyone is crossing their fingers right now hoping for Lebron and Kobe to meet up in what will be the biggest one on one Finals match up since Hakeem Abdul Olajuwon and his Houston Rockets against Patrick Ewing and the New York Knickerbockers in 1994. Oh, what's that? You want more on the 1994 New York Knicks? Here's the Go New York Go New York Go video from the 1994 Eastern Conference champs - Ewing, Starks, Oak, Mase, Charles Smith, Derek Harper, Herb Williams, there are all there - Go New York Go New York Go (and that's all I have to root for this Spring just like every year but that one time Isiah Thomas took them to the 8th seed in 03-04 in this post Patrick Ewing era of the Knicks).

Best Pitcher in baseball or Surfer dude with a good arm?

AJ Burnett has been lights out for the Yankees in 2 starts but that necklace he's wearing is holding me back from embracing him and also that it's only April 15th and I shouldn't be going ga-ga for a pitcher but that besides the point. Would you want your ace to be wearing some weird surfer necklace dealy?

"Live" Blog - Rock of Love Bus Finale

Bret Michaels - lead singer of Poison and the Bret Michaels Band, Mindy - the bumpkin from Cinncinati, Taya - the playbo... err Penthouse Pet, the DR, perfect dates, it's so on for my shitty guilty pleasure reality show since I Love Money 1. It's an epic finale with me talking about 3 people I don't really have something in common with or really even care that much about but can't keep watching, and there are sooo many questions - will Brett find love? Will Taya "promote" something? Will Mindy win in the game of love? Will someone get pregnant behind the grade school? Will I get some std from watching this in HD? One hour, two women, one man with the combined names of wrestling rivals - Bret "Hitman" Hart and Shawn Michaels, it's Easter Sunday, and if JC didn't resurrect for this, what did he resurrect for?

- How did Mindy get here? A Bus?

- Breakfast Buffet with Bret and the ladies - bacon, bandanna, fruit, coffee, a hat with skull and a top hat, pancakes, and catty looks! Also let's start the Bret Michaels' Hat and Head accessory count - Hat, Bandanna, Sunglasses - 3!

- Bret's H/HA Count - 4 with the red bandanna in his little confessional room with the gold records!

- If you had to date with Bret, would you prefer a night date or a day date?

- Mindy: "Oh my gosh!" Where does that rank versus Holy Cow?

- Crank 2 Commercial!!! CHEV! CHELIOS! FRIDAY!

- Are you obsessed? With Stinger Bell? Yes! Beyonce? Sure! Another bad movie that I'm probably way too excited for.

- Bret changed from the cap to his traditional straw cowboy hat! So H/HAC - 5! I'm assuming he hasn't changed his bandanna yet though but he is in the DR and it's probably really hot and he could be sweating with the hat over it but how many blue bandanna does one man bring on a romantic weekend for three in the Dominican Republic?

- Bret has a plan? Does it involve bandannas and cowboy hats? Yes, it's the tango lessons, a guy with a velor shirt, and making out with Mindy, and his cowboy hat!

- Mindy, so the perfect romance novel does involve riding around a bus for a month or so with other slutty girls and making out with the lead singer of Poison? I think I could read that, Rock of Love Bus: Very Trashy Romance Fiction could be a best seller somewhere, right?

- So out of all the "sorts of adjectives" that you could use, you use delicious, Mindy?

- Bret hat count - Blue Bandanna, Snake skin cowboy hat? So 7? I'd assume he'd have a different bandanna from the day before like he'd put the prior day's bandanna in the laundry with his other clothes.

- I'm kind of feeling bad for Taya, Mindy gets tango lessons from a guy in a velor shirt, and she gets to go on the zip line, what is this American Gladiators? What if it breaks? What if she dies?

- Bret head accessory count - Red helmet, sunglasses - so 9?

- Taya knows the feeling of menopause? I guess that makes sense. But we're taking it back to Bret's lair to talk serious business.

- A bed of roses? Swoon! or ick, I'm not sure how I'd feel if I was girl and on Rock of Love Bus and Bret kept me to the finals, so probably swoon but it looks like Taya has left so probably ick.

- So where does Penthouse rank on the print porn hierarchy? Like so does Axl get playboy, Bret gets penthouse, and Vince Neil gets hustler, and the singer from Mr. Big gets Chubby Chicks XXX?

- Somebody's getting married (in a Muppet Choir singing voice) or Somebody's getting pre-engaged, or pre-pre engaged!

- So mobile apps? I'm so getting the Hulkster avatar for my VH1 mobile phone screen name!

- So Bret's wearing his confession room outfit to the final decision on the beach, and claims it's his final time he's going to do this, let's hope not b/c I already want Rock of Love 4.

- Mindy's qualities - boobs, down home charm, nativity, she and Bret had a sleep over, and a shiny dress.

- Taya's qualities - multi-talented, boobs, she didn't sleep over, and that 1 % that she might screw over Bret.

- Both girls think that the winner's relationship with Bret will last a month, I guess I do have something in common with Mindy and Taya!

- Another commercial for the Stringer Bell movie, I'm kind of weirded out that he doesn't have the goatee and that Avon Barksdale isn't in the movie either.

- Mindy's up first and Bret loves everything about her but he's choosing Taya? He choose Taya? Really? She's his "Rock of Love?" Did Flav call his girls, his "Flavor" of Love?

- Mindy doesn't think Bret who she thought he was? He's the Chicago Bears?

- Taya has a kid? When did that happen?

- So I guess Bret saw the Meet the Veals episode of AD, as Bret and Taya are maybe kind of, pre-pre engaged.

- No Every Rose has a Thorn? LAME!

Jam Alert: St. Vincent - Actor Out of Work

So effin good, guys. Annie Clark is totally adorable btw and Actor really surprised me with how good it is.

Surprisingly Accurate Facebook Ad

Okay, so I was about to rank my all time favorite cereals and I saw the above photo on the ol' fbook! How accurate is this IQ rating system, quite possibly deadly accurate as I would think Brian would have the highest IQ and mine would read a bunch of ???s like a confused cartoon character. So what do you guys think of the accuracy of this "random" IQ testing from Facebook.

Michael, Michael, and kind of Billy Bob T

(via M&MHI)

Mike Black and Mike Show doing a reenactment of the Billy Bob thing from a couple days back when they probably should have been working on their soon to be Comedy Central show, Michael and Michael have Issues which I happened to witness the pilot in person with Afif and Dave like forever ago. So add the MAMGI premiere this summer along with the State box set being released which will make Ryan the happiest person in the state of New York.

Variations of a Whopper theme

Okay, the Whopper is pretty awesome and it's one of the few burgers that I actually miss eating from time to time but I never knew there were so many different varations on the theme of a grilled quarter-pound beef patty, sesame seed bun, mayonnaise, lettuce, tomato, pickles, ketchup, and sliced onion.

Take a look -
The Angry Whopper - pepperjack cheese, jalapeños, Angry Sauce and "Angry Onions" are added
The Bacon Swiss Whopper - Swiss Cheese and bacon are added
The California Fresh Whopper - sour cream-onion dressing and cucumbers instead of pickles and mayo.
The Dark Whopper - pepperjack cheese, Black-Pepper Ketchup and Grill Sauce
The Dark Whopper - Barbecue sauce instead of ketchup, with no pickles.
Available in Australia in conjunction with the film The Dark Knight.
The Indy Whopper pepperjack cheese, blackened cajun mayo and bacon.
The Ultimate Double Whopper (f.k.a. The Extreme Whopper w/ Cheese, also as Homer Burger for The Simpsons Movie promotion.) - features a double order of American cheese and 8 half-pieces of bacon
The Fiesta Whopper - spicy sauce replaces the ketchup, pepperjack cheese and no pickles
The Piñata Whopper - Jalapeños, tortilla chips and hot sauce are added
The Texas Double Whopper - Jalapeño peppers, bacon, mustard replacing the ketchup
The Whopper Mexican/Mexican Whopper - hot sauce and hot peppers instead of the mayo and pickles.
The Western Whopper - BBQ sauce, Cheddar or American cheese and bacon. It is also available as a double and triple.
The Meat Beast Whopper - Bacon, American cheese and sliced pepperoni are added.
Garlic Whopper has chopped garlic added.
The Mustard Whopper substitutes mayonnaise for mustard
The Rodeo Whopper replaces the raw onion and ketchup with onion rings and barbecue sauce
The Whopper with roasted onions and mushrooms.
The Whopper with egg - a fried egg is added to the sandwich
The Aussie Whopper - beetroot replaces the mayonnaise and pickled cucumbers, and a fried egg, bacon and cheese are added to the sandwich.
The Whopper Teriyaki has teriyaki sauce instead of ketchup
The Italian Whopper has avocado instead of lettuce
The Bacon and Cheese Double Whopper - two ¼ lb (113.4 gram) hamburger patties, 4 pieces of bacon and 2 slices of American cheese
Bulgogi Whopper uses Bulgogi sauce in it.

Please greenlight a Crank 3 (with everyone from It's Always Sunny and Chev Chelios)

Don't know what's more awesome about Crank - Chev Chelious in his bad assery or Glen Howerton better known as It's Always Sunny's Dennis Reynolds as a Doctor? So Dennis has Crank, Mac was an Other on Lost, Dee was Larry David's Sister in Law, so I guess Charlie needs to up his game as his brief spot as trailer trash who's sleeping with his sister (The Waitress) on Reno 911 isn't cutting it.

Heyyyyy Honeyyyyyyy (GF Voice)

Okay, so on Saturday night I was out and around 12:58, Brian was all like "I gotta go, Seth Rogen is hosting SNL" but there was only like two minutes left in the show so we stayed at the bar and watched CSI reruns without the sound on among other thibngs. Anyway, Rogen on SNL os something I should have dvr-ed but I totally forgot so thank you internet even though I wish NBC would put up everything other than like 5 skits, but you win some, you lose some, right guys? So above is the skit entitled "Girlfriend voice" with Rogen, Bill Hader, and Samberg which is truth of all truthes b/c dudes have them, and those dudes know who they are.

My new favorite picture - Greg Oden and Ronald McDonald

Okay, I have a soft spot for Greg Oden since he was drafted and I saw his MSG debut with Kenny a couple of months ago when we were doing it up with our Greg impression and I went through a half of season of NBA 2K9 with the Blazers but this picture from Oden's blog is priceless. Between Greg serving up McCafes at McDonalds in Vancouver of all places, the possibility of a McFlurry in his hand, painted on eyebrows (which are extremely thin and high for a clown, let alone a dude), and one of my favorite things in the world - high fives.

Norm McDonald - Funny in 1998, Funny in 2009, Funny in 2029

(via Deadspin)

All you nee to know - he's Norm McDonald, it's the 1998 ESPY's, and there's a bunch of dated sports jokes from 1998 but it's still incredibly funny because Norm's the best (but you already know that).

Spring Break Log - Day 5 (WHAT)

Okay so I made some pancakes this morning but they were no where near as atheistically pleasing as the french toast from yesterday, so no pics, no dice, sorry folks. But today has been all about Friday Night Lights, Jay Z, and Lost.

So FNL - I've been watching between 6 and 8 episodes a day of Friday Night Lights on the SB, and it's getting borderline obsessive, I'm dreaming about Riggins, it's kind of weirding me out. Anyways, me and Kenny were talking the other day of getting Saracen and Riggins jerseys since those are the only ones available, should we? I know we'd look like "big idiots" but we looked like big idiots in our real football jerseys, so what's the diff.

Lost: It brought it tonight as it always did, and I'm think for the finale in May, I get this cake ordered except for the whole sexy message for the birthday boy. Maybe something about Jeers that Lost is ending for the summer.

Jay Z - Also kind of obsessing over Jigga this week, whenever I'm out at a bar and rap comes on, it's usually Big or Pac or something early 90s which is great but I never hear Jay, what's up with that? So here's Money Cash Hoes, and no one says WHAT like X.